Chandler

“My friend Ashlea is gonna call you about headshots for her son...” - my friend, Mikey

“Our friends from Sunday School said their daughter Ashlea mentioned you were doing their granddaughter’s headshots...” - my wife’s mom

It took me a second to connect the dots when I finally got the call from Ashlea. Turns out Ashlea’s son was also the “granddaughter” of my mother-in-law's Sunday school friends. Before I go on, please don’t confuse my clarification with ignorance. It was 2016 and even then I was pretty socially aware. It was clear that Chandler was a trans teen. I was sympathetic to the initial generational pronoun discrepancies of his grandparents. In America, we have made great social strides forward in the past few years as far as our acceptance of hitherto misunderstood people, but it will take time for the majority to reconcile their tolerances.

What it did point out though was that this development seemed relatively new. Now I’m sure for Chandler this was neither “new” nor a “development”, but the significance that this photo shoot was likely the first time he was putting himself out there as a “boy” was not lost on me. In fact, it was an honor to think I had been given the responsibility of capturing that.

But what is that? Wasn’t I just furthering the idea of the “what should be” by even thinking that? Was I going to give him a football to hold as opposed to a doll? Exchange pink for rough and tumble camouflage? Of course not. I feel stupid even typing that.

The goal – as with ALL people – is to get to the truth of who that person is on that day. With Chandler, that meant not shying away from the truth of his former identity. In fact, Chandler was extremely specific about the nuances of pastels in the shirts he chose to bring out his eyes... because we all want our eyes to stand out in the shot right?

On the day of the shoot, I realized all of my grand concern was for naught. What we ended up with proved that any pre-conceptions about “gender” really are our own. Chandler was like any other dude that just wants to make sure his hair looks good and he seems cool... which is probably more laid-back than I would have been at that age.

Oh. That’s the other thing. Chandler was thirteen. Just about to go into 8th grade. Perhaps that is where the generational bias comes in to play and why I have hope for the bravery of the next round. When I was going into 8th grade, I was too frozen by my insecurities as far as what people thought of me to ever have had the strength to look in the mirror and confront the difficult realizations that Chandler was facing. It gave me hope to think that as our culture progresses, our youth will continue to be bold – and while they do – the older generation will continue to confront our own perceptions to be able to foster an environment where our kids can feel safe enough to be who they really are. Unafraid.

PS: Chandler, his mom, AND his grandmother have written a book about their journey. You can purchase on Amazon here: https://smile.amazon.com/CHANGES-Familys-Journey-Transgender-Teen/dp/1795448210/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=ashlea+palladino&qid=1616534900&sr=8-2